Love in the singular- double the joy- by Suzanne Powis 1978

Saturday night fever blasted my senses into alert as the disc jockey drowned out the time and weather. Camille started her morning ritual, flush of the toilet, swish of running water, smells of soap and wintergreen toothpaste amid the steady throb of the radio and the electric toothbrush.

Yes day had begun in its usual manner but I lay immobile in my bed in a pensure mood. Two years had passed since Camille and I had faced life as a single parent family and each day we shared together, loving and fearing the challenge of our new life

at nine years old she had already handled responsibility with the skill of a professional - evaluating and searching for the best in life. Camille was well aware of the value of a dollar and my finances were well known to her. She had emerged from out broken family unit into a well adjusted and happy individual even though there had been many kicks in the teeth along the way. I remember the emotional trauma we all faced two years ago. Camille had lived through the shouting and quarrelling, the futile attempts at understanding the eight years of broken dreams and promises.

The tears had welled up in her eyes and in mine when I told her of my decision to live apart from her Dad. She knew I was going through my own private hell and there she was a wounded ,innocent, an unhappy bystander.

God how I wished our marriage had worked that instead of confronting her with pain and sorrow, I was offering her the right of every child to a secure and happy home with two loving parents.

In my heart the pain stabbed as I realized what she was experiencing but I also realized that I had to be a positive happy human being before I could offer myself to my daughter or to anyone else.

I didn't expect her to understand but we both understood that the love we shared was more important then ever - from the time she was born I had reinforced in Camille her own feeling of uniqueness, of being special just as every human being is in fact special in their own uniqueness.

Camille stood first in our new life secure in the knowledge of the love and caring we shared. Sure we have had our rough times, our differences of opinions, our sorrows but most of all our joys.

"Hey mom you'd better move if or you'll be late for work" bellowed her nibs between gulps of orange juice and cereal. She ran into my bedroom blonde hair swirling, big blue eyes devouring each moment of life. "Listen Mom, I'm going to the daycare now see you tonight- have a good day " Like a flash she is out the door "my please to take out the garbage" unheeded her footsteps resounding on the stairs as she hurries to tackle the day's events with the determination of a solider in battle

Running to the window, I watch as her sneakered feet fly down the back lane, her parka unzipped lapping in the wind as if it were a flag declaring her independence. I thank God for her health and her emotional well being and pray he continues to give us both the warmth and joy of our love for each other and that special inner strength we reap from our togetherness

Now we stand united ready to face life head on as we enter a new stage of our being. The lipgloss and hand lotion have made their debut along with Shaun Cassidy posters, and secretive phone calls dotted with squeals of delight. Here I lay still dealing with my own sexuality at the ripe old age of twenty eight and now I must attempt to help Camille understand and accept hers. Funny we seem to be growing up together.

Mother's day tomorrow

Every year I go through the same ritual...to be left alone on Mother's day. It's a selfish day for me to reflect. I don't celebrate the day as a mother but as a daughter. I miss you!

first communion

(Oma shortening her dress)

My daughter's first communion is 2 Sundays from now and outside of inviting my in-laws to mass I haven't planned anything as far as a big celebration. When I was little I remember how humiliated I was that so much hype was made about communion. The other little girls were receiving gold necklaces, and purses filled with money while my family simply came to mass, witnessed my communion and wished me well. I felt at the time that I was not important or loved because there was no big party after. Today as a mother I realize that the party is not what makes you a good Christian its how you conduct your life and treat others. Communion is the celebration at church that is witnessed amongst your peers and parents and a promise to God. My girl will wear a beautiful white dress as she receives communion for the first time while her immediate family watches on. Lunch after with some explanation of what she has learned, some hugs and kisses and that will end the celebration. Hopefully Katie will understand that this simple recognition is meaningful and personal. Her relationship with God is special and doesn't require money, gifts and a big party!

Birthday girl

I made a decision when she was a baby not to get her ears pierced. At the time I wanted to make sure that it was my daughter's choice not mine and that hopefully we could share that experience together. Well that day came, on her 8th birthday, Katie decided it was time. She braved the event with just a few tears especially since each ear had to be done individually making the pain seem worse. We finished the day with shopping and lunch. I loved spending time with my daughter and so glad that I waited for that moment! Happy Birthday Katie

DR March 2011

cool song

My cousin Sebastian wrote the lyrics and raps to this beat with his friend. I love her soft voice with his edgy rap. Hope he finds a way to get it out into mainstream...his passion is music.

completion of bathroom renovation